About My Artist-Ness

I didn’t want to be an artist, originally. I wanted to be rich and famous and attract many breeding females. That’s how I got into entertainment, which forced me to make the choice at the proverbial crossroads. I begrudgingly chose to pursue artistic integrity over financial security. I was too much of a binary thinker at the time to consider negotiating a deal that included both.

In 1995-ish, during a liminal space experience, I encountered the cartoonish presence of glowing blue outlined specters of historical luminaries. J.S. Bach, Leonardo DaVinci, Willelm Reich, Thomas Jefferson, and a few others stood and looked at me troubling over my artist life. They were mocking me, jibing me for not “getting it.”

I realized at that moment that I had been striving to “make art”, to develop a style, to make a name for myself through creating artifacts. Suddenly, that all appeared to be foolish and backwards. Looking at these alpha ghosts as they silently mocked me, I realized that they were the works or art, and what they left behind were leaves dropped from their trees, skins shed as they grew the human endeavor. They departed upon my realization. I was the canvas, the block of stone, the raw material to be shaped. My work would be a reflection of what I was at the time, not ambitious somethings to be pimped out for a few dull bucks.

Much of my physical work served as a portal for me to zone out. Falling into the process of maddening detail allowed me to go offline mentally, Grocking deeply helped me to break mental loops of neurosis and anxiety, and made space for creativity to flow through me, making me limber enough to make things I couldn’t imagine.

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